My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
