Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
