I'm laying in your front yard are you home
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sext me about skeletons
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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