Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
