So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
