she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
