i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
