meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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