i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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