Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
