i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
