Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Randomize
