you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize