we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
