I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
