I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
