Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
