this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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