I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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