I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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