I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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