Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
