haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
