Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize