I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
