I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
