Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
