My room smells like vodka and shame
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
