He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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