I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
