I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
