I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
