This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
