Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
