it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
