i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
