When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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