I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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