38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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