Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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