id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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