Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
