dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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