someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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