your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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