last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
