My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
