Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
