You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
