when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
