butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
