This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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