So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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