I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize