just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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