Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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